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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26952919">Five Times the Doctor Hugged Rose Tyler and One Time He Didn't</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isolus_girl/pseuds/Isolus_girl'>Isolus_girl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Post-Episode: s02e13 Doomsday, Sad Doctor (Doctor Who)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:53:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,815</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26952919</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isolus_girl/pseuds/Isolus_girl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>'The Doctor did what he should have done in the first place and pulled her close for a hug.'</p>
<p>Five times the Doctor hugged Rose Tyler and one time he didn't.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ninth Doctor &amp; Jack Harkness &amp; Rose Tyler, Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Five Times the Doctor Hugged Rose Tyler and One Time He Didn't</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've fancied doing a five times fic for a while. This idea came to me all at once and I wrote it in one sitting. Then i decided I hated it and let it sit on my laptop for ages. I'm procrastinating again though so I decided to polish it up and post it! </p>
<p>I had intended it to be completely fluffy, but lots of angst managed to creep in as well - sorry!</p>
<p>Unbeta'd because I was too impatient.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <ol>
<li>      To comfort</li>
</ol>
<p>The Doctor stood to one side, watching Rose hold her father as he died. He never wanted this for her, didn’t want her having to make tough decisions like this. It was hard to watch someone lose the most important figure in their life, hard to watch someone’s world crumble like Rose’s was currently doing. As he watched, he could tell the moment she decided to compose herself. To get up and move on, another tough decision to make, but she had learnt her lesson about getting involved in history. When she stood up, she visibly made an effort to look okay, probably painfully aware as he was of their big argument, only recently resolved.</p>
<p>He reached his hand out for hers and she took it without looking. The two of them walk towards the TARDIS, not looking back at the painful scene behind them. Feeling their hands clasped together kept him grounded, if the way Rose was squeezing his hand was an indication, it was doing the same for her. It was a relief for both of them as the TARDIS got nearer, it might have only been a short walk, but he felt like a condemned man.</p>
<p>Closing the TARDIS doors behind him, he tried to plaster on a fake smile, but Rose didn’t even look at him so he quickly let it fall again. For a minute he felt like a fish, opening and closing his mouth wordlessly, before he found the words he wanted to speak.</p>
<p>“Rose, your father was a hero and a brave man. It was him who saved the day today.”</p>
<p>“It was my fault though.” Rose spat out, bitter rather than angry. “He died because I was a stupid ape who nearly killed the human race.” It was clear her words were directed inwardly rather than at him, but the Doctor still felt a twang of guilt as he recognised her harsh words.</p>
<p>“Rose, you’re not a stupid ape. I shouldn’t have said that. I was cross, I thought you’d been planning this from the start.”</p>
<p>“I’ve already told you it wasn’t some big plan.” She bit back.</p>
<p>“I know and I believe you, but I didn’t know then.” She was quiet and looking at him from underneath her teary eyelashes so he continued.</p>
<p>“I know what you’re going through. I know what this feels like. I-I told you my planet has gone. It’s my fault it’s gone.”</p>
<p>“but- you wouldn’t,” she said, clearly struggling to reconcile this with the man who saves the day.</p>
<p>“The Daleks were winning. Arcadia had already fallen, it was the last stand and we were losing. If the Daleks had won they would have been unstoppable. It was the wrong thing to do, but I thought I was doing it for the right reasons.” He didn’t mention what the Time Lords were becoming. She didn’t need to know what his people were turning into. Saying it out loud would damage the image of them he pretended had existed.</p>
<p>She looked horrified and he wondered if he had misjudged the situation, if this would end up pushing her away, not helping. He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t want to stay with someone who had committed genocide.</p>
<p>When she reached out to rest her hand on his shoulder he realised he had misjudged her, but not in the way he originally thought.</p>
<p>“Doctor, I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have had to make that choice.”</p>
<p>The levels of compassion radiating off this one small human was enough to render him speechless. He felt embarrassed and changed the conversation back so fast it made her blink.</p>
<p>“Your Dad, he didn’t blame you. You and him got time to spend together that you wouldn’t have had otherwise. Any father would be pleased to have that.” it was a gruff attempt at sympathy and compassion, although spoken with more truth than she could know. He almost regretted it when the tears filled her eyes again, but then she gave him a watery smile.</p>
<p>“That’s what he said, that he’d had all these extra hours and got to see me all grown up, but what sort of person did he see? Someone who nearly killed the human race by blundering in.”</p>
<p>“No, he saw a woman brave enough and compassionate enough to jump in front of a speeding car to save him, who loved him enough to want to meet him. He saw a woman brave and caring enough to stand in front of a group of innocent people to try and protect them from the reapers, a woman strong enough to be there for him when he died.”</p>
<p>If Rose wasn’t crying before, she was by the time he had finished. He knew it had been hard on her, perhaps harder than anything they had faced so far. There was truth in his words, it was exactly what he had seen in her. She might just be the strongest person he had ever seen, dealing with a good part of it without him because he had been cross with him and then eaten by reapers.</p>
<p>The Doctor did what he should have done in the first place and pulled her close for a hug. She clung to him as she sobbed into his chest. He rubbed gentle circles on her back and somehow found him soothing himself at the same time. The feel of this human girl was enough to send his hearts racing, enough to soothe that raw part of himself that screamed he didn’t deserve this. As her sobs slowly subsided he could feel her breathing, both of them relaxing to the sound of it.</p>
<p>This incredible human girl, comforting him even as he was trying to comfort her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>2. In joy</p>
<p>Rose stepped into the TARDIS, a faraway, wistful look on her face. It was clear things hadn’t gone well with Mickey. The sight of that look on her face made the Doctor’s hearts clench. He should be delighted that things hadn’t gone well with Mickey.</p>
<p>Contrary to popular opinion the Doctor didn’t hate Mickey. True he’d thought he was useless at first, but he couldn’t say that anymore. Not since Downing Street, he actually saw a lot of potential in the lad. The problem with Mickey was that he always seemed to be trying to prolong his relationship with Rose, when it was clear that had already run its course. Nobody just left their boyfriend with barely a goodbye if they were really happy, no matter how incredible the offer he had made was. That was without recognising the fact she had barely mentioned him whilst they were travelling initially.</p>
<p>“How’s Mickey?” he found himself asking, with minimal curiosity.</p>
<p>The expression on Rose’s face barely changed as she started fiddling with her hair. “He’s okay, he’s gone.” She replied in a mono-tone, obviously lost in thought.</p>
<p>Ahh, she hadn’t found him then. He had probably done a runner, back to London.</p>
<p>“Do you want to go and find him, we’ll wait?” The Doctor offered, more out of obligation than anything else. He might not want to wait for a Mickey hunt, but he did want Rose to smile again. Only a few hours ago they had all been laughing together. It couldn’t seem further away right now.</p>
<p>“No need. He deserves better.” Rose replied softly. Ahh, self-flagellation it was. The Doctor was an expert at that and there was no way he was going to let her fall down that tunnel. A quick glance at Jack confirmed the younger man felt the same way.</p>
<p>“Off we go then, always moving on.” If he was honest, the Doctor was desperate to move on. He didn’t mind spending time on alien worlds, but too much had happened here and his team were looking decidedly serious.</p>
<p>“Next stop, Raxicorocofallipatorious. Now you don’t often get to say that.” Jack offered light heartedly. The Doctor could tell he was trying to lighten the mood and he flashed him a grateful glance. There was no doubt the lad had proven himself a worthy part of the team in the weeks since he had joined.</p>
<p>“We’ll just stop by and put her in the hatchery. Margaret the Slitheen can live her life again. A second chance.” He couldn’t help but think that there must have been some sincerity in her pleas about being forced into the life given the way she had ended up. It was another attempt to lighten the mood, change the subject. He wasn’t expecting Rose’s reply.</p>
<p>“That’d be nice.” She replied softly, in the same absent voice.</p>
<p>They stayed quiet for a short time, letting Rose think through whatever it was she needed to work through. Eventually Rose turned around with a half-smile and said, “so, Raxicorocofallipatorious? That’s a planet to tick off my list.”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure whether I’m pleased or exasperated you have a list.” The Doctor sighed playfully. “I take you to amazing places and you reduce it down to a list. That is so human!”</p>
<p>Jack’s response was the opposite, “What else is on the list? Do we get to see it?” He waggled his eyebrows playfully and the Doctor struggled to keep a straight face.</p>
<p>“Jack!” Rose exclaimed, finding her rhythm and losing her earlier sadness. Playful was what they did best, this mismatched team. Surrounded by the two of them he could almost forget the guilt that weighed him down, almost forget the baggage that comes with being 900. Occasionally he feels guilty for being happy, but on days like today when the three of them have saved the world again, he remembers the importance of living his life, of moving forwards. There were days when he felt all of his 900 years, but surrounded by these two humans he had never felt younger.</p>
<p>He watched delightedly as Jack started a game with Rose, that ended in him chasing her around the console, the sound of their giggles filling the room, seeming to light it up from the inside. Without knowing what he was doing he let out a big beaming smile and joined in. The Doctor was fairly certain the game had turned into an adult game of tag with the three of them aimlessly trying to both catch and stay away from each other. Spirits were running high, giddy after the earlier sadness, apart from the issue with Mickey it had been a great day. The four of them had enjoyed a lovely meal together and beaten the bad guy and left it all wrapped up in a neat parcel.</p>
<p>By the time they all collapsed breathless onto the Captain’s chair any lingering sadness had gone and the three of them were once again just happy to be together. The Doctor pulled Rose across for a big enveloping ‘I’m so glad you’re here’ hug. The two of them were content to just sit there, wrapped in each other, with goofy smiles until Jack coughed dramatically and whined “How come I don’t get any of that?”</p>
<p>All three of them were equally as surprised when the Doctor reached over and pulled Jack in without letting go of Rose. He sat there feeling satisfied. The Doctor and his two humans. Just as it should be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>3.  To test the waters</p>
<p>He was a new man, new likes, dislikes, habits and cravings, but his feelings for Rose Tyler were exactly the same, if not more so in this body. Unfortunately he wasn’t certain how she felt now. Sure they had held hands and saved the world, but she still said her hand gave him the creeps. Was it a good sign she had agreed to go with him? Or was she just coming for the sights and not for him?</p>
<p>Jackie thought they were mad, she might well be right, but he decided he was going to be nicer to her in this regeneration. She had looked after him whilst he was sick and invited him for Christmas Dinner. Even Mickey was trying to make an effort, although he seemed to be growing in confidence every time the Doctor saw him, the Doctor foresaw a time when Mickey moved on from Rose as much as she had from him.</p>
<p>They laughed about in the snow for a while. Mickey and Rose had a snowball fight, it looked like she was going to win until he joined in. The two of them made cries of it not being fair, but he won fair and square. Eventually the cold forced them back inside, where Jackie made them steaming mugs of hot chocolate (he asked for tea, but Jackie assured him he wanted hot chocolate on this occasion).</p>
<p>The Doctor looked around at the misfit group and realised he was surrounded by family. Family looked after each other when they were ill, family had Christmas dinner together and family had snowball fights followed by hot chocolate. It was turning out to be the best Christmas he had for many years. Then he shook his head as he decided it was far too cheesy for those to be his thoughts. It must be the regeneration sickness still holding onto him.</p>
<p>Rose grinned at him though and as he grinned back he found he wasn’t certain which him she was grinning at. Did she like this new him? Or was she just seeing him as the old him? That was the trouble with regeneration, you were the same person, but so different. He had still saved the world, but this time he had done it in a sword fight. He felt his insecurities come rushing back and knew he had to do something to test where they stood.</p>
<p>Rose offered him a pear and he turned his nose up in disgust, making her giggle. It was such a wonderful sound, he found he wanted to hear it every day. He thought of his old self with Jack and Rose and decided that some things weren’t that different.</p>
<p>Maybe he could choose a destination that would highlight the similarities and differences between them. Where could he go that would show that though? New Earth? It was almost the opposite of their first date (first trip he corrected himself) and should be fun. He was sure Rose would love apple grass. Maybe they could have a picnic on the apple grass?</p>
<p>After what he had just put Rose (and her family) through he didn’t want to rush off too soon (another difference between the regenerations he realised). Surely there must be something sooner he could do in that case?</p>
<p>The problem with being a new him, he decided, was not knowing who he was. If he knew who he was, he would know what to do. Then again, if he knew who he was he would have a much clearer idea of how Rose saw him.</p>
<p>Then, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Rose looking at him nervously. Was she as unsure as he was? He thought back to her earlier words ‘I thought because you’d changed you might not want me anymore.’ Were they both harbouring the same fears without realising it?</p>
<p>Without hesitation, he did what came naturally to him and scooped her up into a hug. She fit in his arms perfectly, as she always had before. As he felt her relax into the hug he let his worries go, they seemed silly now. This was Rose, his Rose. Of course she didn’t care about the little things that had changed. They were a team and they would always be a team. He wasn’t sure who, but one of them tightened their grip and they both shuffled slightly to remain comfortable, to remain close. She could hear his hearts and he could hear her soft breathing.</p>
<p>He almost laughed at himself at his earlier thoughts of devising a test, of course they just needed a hug. This was how they communicated, how they had always communicated. As long as Rose was in his arms, he knew he didn’t need to worry.</p>
<p>They only broke away from the hug because they heard Jackie coughing in the background. Obviously they had been hugging for longer than either of them realised. Smiling at each other, the Doctor held her hand instead.</p>
<p>It was going to be okay, she still recognised who he was and wanted to be with him. His earlier words were correct, it was going to be fantastic.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>4. In relief</p>
<p>The Doctor could feel Rose next to him. She stood so close to him he could almost touch her, it was such a relief to be able to feel her. He came so close to losing her today, too close. The Beast’s words swum in his head, even without Rose mentioning them. The Valiant Child who would die in battle so very soon. How could he lose the person who made him complete? He couldn’t contemplate ever losing Rose, even today had been too close for his liking. As though to reassure himself of her presence, he continued to stand close enough to her so that he could feel her there, even when he wasn’t looking at her.</p>
<p>Rose’s words from earlier came back to him. “It’s funny, because people back home think that space travel’s all going to be whizzing about and teleports and anti-gravity… but it’s not, is it? It’s tough.”</p>
<p>She was right, but he hoped she found it fun as well. At the time he had laughed it off as a comment on how much she was worried about him, but after nearly losing her he felt less certain. Funnily enough, space travel with Rose was whizzing around, teleports and anti-gravity. It was fun because she made it fun. He made a mental note to have that conversation with her later.</p>
<p>For now, he felt a farewell to Ida was deserved. She had been so calm and brave, a reassuring presence to him when he couldn’t hear Rose. When he said he would see her again he found himself genuinely hoping it would be true. He could also tell there was a story to be told with the way Rose beamed her thanks to the two lads. There would be time for stories and catching up later, now was a time for reassuring each other they were safe and together.</p>
<p>Apparently the crew weren’t quite satisfied with a farewell, with Ida speaking quickly so as not to get cut off. “Hang on though Doctor, you never really said, you two, who are you?”</p>
<p>In the split second he had to think of a response he glanced sideways at the beautiful woman standing next to him, so very alive. The person he believed in. He thought of the journey they had gone on together, the places they had been and the things they had done.</p>
<p>The more he thought about it, the more he knew there was only one answer.</p>
<p>“Oh, the stuff of legends!” he exclaimed, grinning at his Rose standing next to him, giddy expressions of relief and pure delight at being reunited on their faces. Her smile reflected her agreement back at him so, without waiting for a response, he hit the dematerialisation switch.</p>
<p>For a short time, neither of them said anything. Neither of them needed to say anything, what words could possibly express what they were feeling?</p>
<p>A million thoughts ran through the Doctor’s head. If he had lost Rose as he feared he might, his last words to her would have been ‘Oh she knows’, but did she know? He needed to make sure she did know, just in case the unthinkable happened. When he had told The Beast he believed in her, he almost wished Rose had been there to see how the thought of her had spurred him on. Far from preventing him from doing the right thing, just like she had encouraged him to that day in Downing Street, his feelings had encouraged him to risk it all. Fear gripped him when he thought about how he had come so close to losing her, how he had made the rocket fall. He had been so right to believe in her, he always would be, but again, did she know that?</p>
<p>He needed to find a way to express his relief and delight at her being alive, at the two of them being reunited. Then he remembered what they always did when in doubt, the solution that always worked for them and he brought her into another hug. The fact they had already had a reunion hug was beside the point, he wanted to pour everything he couldn’t say into the hug. As he held her tight, he hoped she knew the way she kept him fighting, the way he believed in her, the way he loved her. The words he just could not say were channelled into the hug.</p>
<p>The temptation to lift her off her feet again was overwhelming, he wanted to feel her completely in his arms. As clichéd as it may seem, he wanted to be the one who swept her off her feet every single time. The hug couldn’t be deep enough or long enough for his liking. He recalled the sickening feeling he felt as he realised to destroy the Beast was to make the rocket plummet. If he hadn’t found the TARDIS. Even then, there was a very great possibility Rose had not survived the Ood attack and had not been in that rocket. She was incredible, but it was a very real risk she was facing. Subconsciously he tightened the hug in response to his fears. Rose tightened her grip in response.</p>
<p>As much as he might want it to, the hug couldn’t go on forever, eventually both of them stepped back, although they only switched to their next best expression of their feelings – hand holding.</p>
<p>He looked down at his brave, beautiful, alive Rose and thought maybe it didn’t matter that he couldn’t put his feelings into words, their hugs expressed their feelings better than his words ever could.</p>
<p>5. In pride</p>
<p>As he strode purposefully down that now familiar street, Dame Kelly Holmes Close, there was only one person he was looking for. His clever little human, who had solved the whole thing even without his fancy equipment. He had been trapped in a drawing, barely even able to give a clue, whilst the whole world was at risk of being turned into a drawing and even under that amount of pressure she had figured out where the ship was and had found a way to get it to the Olympic Torch.</p>
<p>Rose had always been amazing, but regardless of that, he was always proud of her when she did something special. It was her who had noticed the problem in the first place, her who had spotted there was something unusual about Chloe and her who had saved the day. He wasn’t worried about her, but he was keen to find her and tell her how well she had done.</p>
<p>A familiar voice called out to him from behind.</p>
<p>“Cake?” it asked. He couldn’t help the grin that pierced his face as he spun on the spot to face her. He wasn’t sure whose grin was bigger, both of them giddy at the feeling of having saved the day and being reunited, safely together. A laugh that was sheer joy escaped his lips as he noticed the type of cake she had saved for him – a cupcake with edible ball bearings! His absolute favourite and she had remembered! He didn’t even think she heard him when he mentioned (several times) how much he loved them.</p>
<p>“Top banana!” he exclaimed joyfully, taking it and having a huge bite. He only savoured the taste for a second before he began explaining why edible ball bearings were special. It was important that she knew how pleased he was with the cake.</p>
<p>“I cannot stress this enough, ball bearings you can eat, masterpiece!” he spoke around a mouthful of really quite excellent cake.</p>
<p>He had barely finished his sentence before he had an armful of Rose Tyler, she was a split second faster than him in beginning the hug, but it was a mutual enveloping, with Rose wrapping her arms over his. Arms full of Rose Tyler was his favourite position to be in and he held her tight, trying to express all the pride he felt at her accomplishment, communicating it all through the hug. They spun around, nearly full circle and rocked ever so slightly. It was far from their longest hug, but it was tight and meaningful and just right.</p>
<p>“Ooh, I thought I’d lost you!” Rose cried just before they released each other, putting her fears into words. They remained close and she kept her arms on his, a kind of halfway hug, something that just felt right and appropriate.</p>
<p>It had never been his intention to scare her and she seemed to understand that, so his reply was simple and fitting. As with the hug, he tried really hard to express his pride as he spoke. The effect was slightly lost by the cake he was still eating, but he also wanted to express his gratitude for the cake. It was a really good cake.</p>
<p>“Nah, not on a night like this! This is a night for lost things being found.”</p>
<p>The look she gave him as he spoke melted his insides in a way he didn’t realise was possible. Only then did they properly release the hug, walking down the street together, with their shoulders touching until their hands found each other again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>1.</p>
<p>If the Doctor pressed his face against the wall, the wall where she had been just moments before, he could almost feel her. Almost touch her. He wanted to jump through the wall to hug her, but the wall remained stubbornly solid. There was the urge to scream and shout, demand her return, but his hearts were breaking and he didn’t have the energy for anything other than to stand and sense her one last time.</p>
<p>He was under no illusions; Rose was on the other side of that wall. It was almost certain she could feel him too, her hearts would also be breaking. Three hearts broken in under a minute. The universe was cruel. She wasn’t coming back, he had lost her and he didn’t know what to do. How did he move on? Functioning, smiling, being happy already seemed like a distant memory without Rose.</p>
<p>Slowly, reluctantly he let his hand slide down the wall and prepared to move back to the TARDIS. He just needed to find the emotional strength to move from this spot. To move was to admit defeat. Whilst ever he stood there he could pretend she was coming back. That the wall was not a symbol for the walls of the universe, but just a normal wall.</p>
<p>He had never felt more of a need for a hug from Rose than now, now when he couldn’t have one, couldn’t see her, let alone touch her. His arms itched to hold hers, but he had to content himself with the wall, with the imaginary image of her against him, not another universe away.</p>
<p>Ever so slowly, he did the last thing he ever wanted to do. He pushed himself back and turned around to begin the long walk back. He felt like a shell, broken and empty inside. Even the emotional energy to cry was beyond him. As he walked back the effort of one foot in front of the other was almost too much without her hand in his. The urge to break down, to scream and punch the floor was almost overwhelming. She was always there for him – a hug between them would sort anything out, but this time he didn’t even have her hand to hold.</p>
<p>He knew the emotions would hit him later, the pain and the rage and the sadness so painful he wouldn’t be able to catch his breath. For now he relished the feeling of emptiness, because it was better than what comes later. Emptiness felt very appropriate, that’s what his life is now without Rose Tyler. Empty. Empty hands, empty arms, empty heart.</p>
<p>The TARDIS hummed sadly as he entered. She was already missing her golden girl, missing the joy that filled her rooms when the Doctor and Rose were together.</p>
<p>He might not be able to hug her, his arms might ache for the loss of her, but there was one more thing he could do for them both. It was time to work out how to give her a proper goodbye. The wall couldn’t be their ending, not after everything they had been through. </p>
<p> </p>
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